Dear Old Man..

Dear Old Man...

Who comes into my work often. We have never spoken before yet today you were quite fond of me. Thank you for the candy but I don't know why you would think a man as old and creepy looking as you with tattoos and missing teeth would think I a young 23 year old would be interested in you. It is beyond me. No I don't want you to ask me about my interests and hobbies. No I don't want to give you my number so you can take me on a date. I all of the sudden hate BBQ now. Thank you. No I don't want your number and I will NOT be calling you if I get bored. Silly me to think you wanted a high five after I very bluntly said No I don't want to go out or give my number out when you creepily just wanted to size up my hand. Gross. Please never talk to me again or even look in my direction next time you come in.

Sincerely,

My life should be a Reality TV Show.

Dating Bites...

like a rabid dog.

Vent session is needed. This past week has been a whirlwind of meeting new people specifically 3 guys. To keep everything clear we'll start with the 1st one.

Guy 1

I met "Scott" at a church function a week ago and we hung out the whole night and the next morning. He got my number we went our separate ways until that evening when HE called me and invited me to a FAMILY birthday party. After the party we went and saw a movie with his friend and my friend. Low and behold he says so are you gonna be my cuddle buddy blah blah blah. The cuddling was mild. Basically sitting close and some arm tickling. Whoopi. We end the night with a smile on my face none the less. Then comes Sunday when "Scott" texts me and says things are going too fast and he just wants to be friends. He dtr'ed(define the relationship) me after 2 days. Wow. This past week he has contacted me first each day and we've hung out twice as "friends" BUT the guy has the balls to text me one day and say he needs a cuddle/make out buddy. JERK.

Guy 2

"Kevin" and I have been texting for quite some time and see each other every so often and just recently he asked me out on a date. Noo he didn't call. He texted. Noo he didn't pick me up. He asked me to meet him there. Heart of gold but where is the chivalry? Your quite a bit older and don't understand that aspect yet...hmm?

Guy 3

I got set up with "Dan" on a blind date for today. "Dan" texts me Friday asking me if I want to get a treat the next day. I give him the benefit of the doubt for texting and say yes. Then "Dan" asks me to meet him there. Again give him the benefit of the doubt with the whole blind date thing. Saturday comes and I get a text saying theres a change of plans and I'm welcome to come with him on a family outing or that we can meet later. I chose meet later. Except I may have lied and said my battery on my car died just to get him to be gentlemen to pick me up. "Dan" sets the time for 3 only to show up at 3:30. Does NOT open my door and the date goes on to ice cream and awkward conversation. 45 minutes later he drops me off in the parking lot next to my house cause he wants to go shopping.

Do I have low value tattooed on my forehead or are guys blind?!?

I honestly don't get any of this nonsense. Where are all the chivalrous MEN!? Im so over BOYS. Immature. Jerky. Not competent BOYS. I am so over the dating scene. I am beyond annoyed being treated the way I have been treated. The last time I have been called up, picked up and treated like I was on a date was in MAY!

If you're not being treated with love and respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's you who tells people what you're worth by what you accept. Get off the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables! Learn to value yourself more! If you don't, no one else will!

I know of my worth and I know I am a great catch! I know these guys are missing out on something great. One day it will all make sense but right now I am over the dating scene. I am over putting myself out there and being friendly just to receive experiences like this.

The question is is it wrong to tell a guy when he texts you that you would like a phone call or is it wrong to tell a guy you deserve to be picked up and not "met"??

Over Dating!

Pennsylvania

This post is LONG overdue. Back in May I went on a trip with my dad and grandma back east. First stop was Pennsylvania. No one really knows this about me but I am a lover of

history, especially the civil war. Back when I was a kid it was a way that my dad and I bonded. We have been planning this trip since I was a little girl and finally made it a reality this past May. Out first stop was Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Such a cute little town! Side note...had NO clue they had a college there. We spent a couple days there first. The night we got there we walked around downtown which is so quant and felt like a movie set. Buildings would have plaques stating it was historic and the history behind it. Some buildings still had bullet holes from the war in them. The 2nd day we went down to the history center they have, walked around the museum, watched a movie and then had the opportunity to get a guide to drive us around for a few hours to the sites around and give a history report on everything. That night we went on a "ghost" tour through the town...such a bust. Wouldn't ever waste my money ever again on something so lame. With out further adieu I have a major overload of pictures.

(these are in no particular order and after bout 10 pictures of trying to arrange them I stopped so theres less to look through now )

(this is the Pennsylvania monument that our tour guide wouldn't stop so I could get a decent picture. It is the largest monument on the grounds.)

(This is a statue/monument of Robert E. Lee who was the Confederate leader/general. He is my many greats grandpas cousin)

(Replica cannons of what the soldiers would of used)

(The union soldiers uniforms)

(in downtown Gettysburg, there were plaques everywhere)

(this is at top of one of the big battles. The north was sure they were going to loose with the low numbers they had but end up winning and had a prime spot)

(the houses were so amazing! I loved everything about them)

(One of the many statues we have pictures in front of...don't remember the significance of this one...oops)

(In the museum..the Confederate soldiers uniforms)

next stop Antietam....

Sorry

I won’t apologize for being a little less than happy for once because I’ve learned not to apologize for my emotions over the years, but it is a bummer that it’s consumed me this much.

Food for Thought

I am a thinker. I am constantly thinking of how to better myself, what needs to be done, lists upon lists, dreams, fears....everything. As I was texting my sister tonight I thought id share my most recent thoughts with her and I wanted to write them down for myself to remember. A lot of my life I have been afraid to be who I am and accept who I am. I didn't realize the strength and determination I had in myself until these past few years. I was telling my sister about a weakness of mine that I have overcome. For a long time when I dated I hid who I liked or was wishy washy because I was afraid of being judged. I've learned from that weakness by letting someone in and how amazing it feels to accept that part of my life. I've learned from dating who I am and who I want to be. This is exactly what I said to my sister...

"The more I am alone the more I accept myself and don't sway on my standards. Im learning each day to be comfortable in my own skin and not be wrapped up in who I think I should be or how to meet unrealistic expectations. I am me. People love me for me so why shouldn't I"

I am not perfect and don't always think this way but it is moments like this that I know what love is. I find my own beauty and relish in it just for a moment. For those hard days I know I will come upon remember how blessed your are and beautiful.

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."

I am an Introvert

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

{This made me laugh! I truly hate small talk, especially small talk on the phone! See friends.. I am not a bad friend, just different! I still love you! :) }

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

{ "They don’t interact for the sake of interacting." This couldn't explain me any better. I can so be somewhere with tons of people and feel no need to talk to anyone. I just don't need it. Doesn't make me rude (see below) or shy.}

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

{ "Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting." Explaines how I've felt my.whole.life! Especially High school years.}


Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

{True friends of mine...consider yourself lucky! ;) }

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

{Once again...spot on. I totally like going out, but I always always always want to come home and recharge much sooner than everyone else! I always thought I was lazier than others, when really I just need to recharge...it is crucial for me to go home and sit on the couch people...crucial! ;) }

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

{Oh how this explains me to a T! }

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

{I have always worried growing up especially in High school that people wouldn't accept me and my ways....so don't care anymore and I've never felt as free :) }

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

{And people always wonder why I am so recluse and reserved ;) }


Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

{I get overwhelmed easily, especially in public places...and man...i HATE noise.}

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

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So what did we learn here people?
Introverts are just as normal as you extroverts who have billions of friends and love being out and about with people! And that we are trying to survive in an extrovert world... so be nice to us!!
Oh, and hopefully my friends now realize I really do love them...I am just a really awesome introvert!

Day Fourteen

Day 14- A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Haha don't you love that picture!

I can't imagine my life without this lovely lady. My mama is my rock. She has taught me everything and has been my best friend for forever. She is such a hoot and a rock star! If I can be half the mom she was to me I will be set!

Day thirteen

Day 13- A picture of your favorite band or artist.



Mindy Gledhill is by far my favorite artist. I have never found someone who could sing a song like her. She is so talented in song writing and her vocals are timeless. Her music is the type that tells a true story and sticks with you. Empowers you and uplifts you. When I am needing a pick me up she is my go to artist. Love her!

Day Twelve

Day 12- A picture of something you love.


I love love love my Camera. I am by no means a professional, but have enjoyed photography since I was kid. I have been taking classes on and off since I was 10 and love to learn more. This is just a fun hobby that allows me to be creative and have fun!

Day Eleven

Day 11- A picture of something you hate.
Have I mentioned I HATE SUSHI. Oh how I hate sushi. Most foul, disgusting thing to ever grace the planet. Yes I have tried it so that entitles me to my opinion of how much raw nasty seaweedy gross sushi is. Yuck.

Day Ten

Day 10- A picture of the person you do the most adventurous things with.


Just looking at these pictures makes me laugh. My sister Alyssa and I have always had such random adventures. From stalking boys in high school to saran wrapping items to road trips. She brings out the adventurous side of me and will probably be the only one to do that. Great memories with her!

Day Nine

Day 09- A picture of a person that has gotten you through the most.


Without a doubt my Savior has gotten me through the most. I would be so ungrateful not to make this post about him. Life is crazy, it's hard, trying and wonderful, but without my Savior I would not get through those days without his help and blessings in my life. He blesses me with security, love, friends and family and all the things I need to make it through life.

Day Eight

Day 08- A picture that makes you laugh.


Hahahahaha how can you NOT laugh at this picture. Summer after my senior year we spent countless nights in Kassi's bug. Top down music blasting and us acting like fools. This night was boys night. We dressed up as boys went to a party, got rained out and ended up at sonic after the rain stopped. I love Alyssa licking the corn dog in the background and Kassi eying the corn dog like she couldn't be happier. Favorite summer by far!

Day Seven

Day 07- A picture of your most treasured item.

DON'T JUDGE

My most treasured item is my blanket. No that is not my blanket but you get the idea. I really had to rack my brain for this one because I have a few items I treasure but loosing my blanket would probably be the hardest because it holds so many memories. I have had it since I was 2 and it is worn, torn, holy and has seen better days but I can not lay it to rest for all the memories it brings to me.

Day Six

Day 06- A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with.

Honestly I have no picture for this one. Usually people put a celebrity they love , but I have no desire to trade places with one. I would not love the lime light and I am positive I would miss my security and space in my normal life. I would love to switch places with an enemy though. No one is truly my enemy but I would love to switch places with a person who has hurt me a lot before. It fascinates me what is going through their head not only for my sake but because then I would be able to be a more patient person by learning more about them. Weird but soo true I would totally do it.

Day Five

Day 05- A picture of your favorite memory.









I couldn't pick just one picture to describe some of my most favorite memories. I had the best time my Senior year and summer after. These girls and I were CRAZY and had so much fun! Then I went off to Utah for two years and roomed with this lady. Julie and I are complete opposites but we had some of the best talks and adventures together. My experience in Utah would not have been the same without her and I wouldn't change anything about those times!

Day Four

Day 04- A picture of your night.

The First half of my night(pretty much 3 hours worth) I spent cleaning. Deep deep cleaning the fridge. Dishes. Counters. Floors. Living Room. I know I live such a glamorous life.The rest of the night was spent walking this doggy of mine.
Yes he is eating a pop tart in the picture(he likes carrots too)

Day Three

Day 03- A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
I absolutely LOVE Law and Order SVU. I seriously can not get enough of this show. It is by far the most addicting show. I watch it so much that it's getting easy to figure out the ending before the show is halfway over. My oh so sweet guilty pleasure :)

Day Two

Day 02- A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.


This amazing lady is one of my Besties Ashlyn! Ashlyn and I met when we were 12. My family was moving to a new ward and I knew NO ONE. She was so sweet and so kind to me when I first moved and would always invite to play or sit with her at activities. As we have grown older we have stayed such good friends. I could not have gotten through half my trials without her. She is the best listener and always lets me vent to her no questions asked. She lets me be my pouty self when im upset and sets me straight when I need to be. Even though 10 years is somewhat short I know we will be friends for a very long time. Without her im incomplete she is a true friend!

30 Days. 30 Photographs.

I've seen this on quite a few peoples blogs and thought itd be fun to do to look back on my life someday and see this :)

Day 01- A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02- A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.
Day 03- A picture of the cast from you favorite show.
Day 04- A picture of your night.
Day 05- A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06- A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with.
Day 07- A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08- A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09- A picture of a person that has gotten you through the most.
Day 10- A picture of the person you do the most adventurous things with.
Day 11- A picture of something you hate.
Day 12- A picture of something you love.
Day 13- A picture of your band or artist.
Day 14- A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15- A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16- A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17- A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18- A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19- A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20- A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21- A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22- A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23- A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24- A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25-A picture of your day.
Day 26- A picture of something that means alot to you.
Day 27- A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28- A picture of something your afraid of.
Day 29- A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30- A picture of someone you miss.



Day 01- A picture of yourself with 15 facts.



1- I have a food OCD. I don't think this fact will ever change. It is much more manageable but it is still there.

2- I own a pair of grayish wedges. I feel the prettiest when I am wearing them.

3- I had a co-worker measure me with his measuring tape the other day and I am officially 5'2. Miracles do happen I grew an inch since highschool.

4- I get a high when I am doing retail therapy.

5- I haven't drank soda in almost 3 years. Yes I am always tired.

6- I may or may not secretly love celebrity gossip.

7- I believe in romance and fairytales.

8- I will use a calculator for anything. I really despise math.

9- I love manual cars. (Only when im not in traffic).

10- I hate cleaning my car. I pay my sister Alyssa in gifts or money to do it for me.

11- Im a book nerd.

12- I love to go for walks but it is like pulling teeth to get anyone to go with me though.

13- I've become a clean freak. You should see my room the past 21 years of my life compared to now...AMAZING.

14- I wear cardigans year round. To say im hot during the summer is an understatement, but their so darn comfy.

15- I strive for stability and change all at once. I love knowing I have something to wake up for but love that each day brings a new challenge.

Im not Perfect

I know I have spent far too long using the excuse I am not perfect.
Not only has this been a hard couple of years. I am still learning.
I am learning to find myself all over again after going through life changing experiences.
I know I have been in a rut trying to figure out life. My direction. What I wanted to happen.
I chose Positiveness.
The next day after making this not so life altering decision I slept through my alarm clock.
My car decided to not start. I was late for work and fearing the worst.
My boss is a quiet man and I never know if i am pleasing or disappointing.
I was on edge all morning letting my imagination run wild about my boss getting upset. Co-workers making fun of me for being late and worrying about my day being thrown off.
I was waiting. waiting some more. even more waiting for it all to fall apart.
I knew it would.
No.
It never happened.
It never happened because I realized I was the one putting those pressures on myself.
I felt so silly. So ridiculously silly.
I choose to be positive.
Life will continue to happen good bad wonderfully ugly. It will happen.
How immature of me to sit and wait for life to fall apart when my day was not perfect.
I was the one being negative while life went on with out me.
My boss smiled and waved at me pulling in. My co-workers never mentioned me being late.
That day every song I loved was played back to back on the radio. I found a wonderful blog about being happy woman.
I chose to be happy.
It was a great day.

"Look Not Behind Thee"

I haven't blogged in a really long time. I lost interest and will probably loose interest again but this being a new year I felt the need the need to blog about something special to me. This post and blog is for ME and I need to remember that. As I was getting ready for church today I came upon a video on lds.org. "Look Not Behind Thee" In light of the new year the church made a video on what that means to people. Asking if they knew bout Lots wife and why that saying was used. It defiantly struck a chord with me because I have been evaluating my life lately, the past year and what I want to do in the future.

It has been a very hard year for me. A year I think I will always remember and look back on. The saying that you will learn to love your trials has never been truer than now. No one loves trials while going through them, i've prayed for endurance, strength and understanding. I have gone through all those and been guilty of having my woe as me moments wondering why this is happening to me. I have come to the conclusion that those trials though hard have been a blessing and I love them. I love my trials. I have been refined into someone I didn't know was possible. The Lord knew all along I needed them and has been my companion through this past year never leaving my side. I never knew what leaders meant when they said turn unto Jesus and he will take your burdens from you and make you light. I never had to use that part of the atonement until this past year. What an amazing part of the atonement that is. What a blessing it has been to learn and grow. To know of my Saviors love for me and to gain a better testimony of the atoning sacrifice my Savior made for me. I don't think I have ever been so alone and supported at the same time as I have this past year. Being away from my Family and support system for 2 years has been one of the most hard yet rewarding 2 years of my life. I have been blessed with an amazing support system within my family. I have the most loyal, loving, hardworking family who has become my best friends and number 1 fans. I want to thank them for being my support and lifting me up when I couldn't lift my self up. For the prayers and thoughts always being sent my way. You all are amazing!

I have never understood what heart break was in all forms until this past year. My heart has been broken for quite sometime and each day was a healing process and not until recently did it start to be whole again. I believe it was around Halloween and my Birthday did I truly sit there and think I am okay my heart doesn't need to hurt anymore. I whole heartedly believe you need to go through the whole process and not just shun your pain just to put on a happy face. Or fake it until you make it. Talking about what hurt me and processing my trials with those I trust has been a huge help and release for me. I love myself. I love who I have been and who I am becoming. I love that my trials have helped me in realizing this .I am human and of course would not want to go through the hurt i've gone through again but I am grateful for the understanding it has given me.

"Look Not Behind Thee" this is my motto for the new year. I have spent too much time this year dwelling in the past. What could of been? What if I said or did that, would things be different? What if I was this type of person would people like me more? Wondering and dwelling has left me heart broken even more so than I was and left me confused as to who I was and who I should be. As the new year begins I am no longer looking in the past. This is it no more regrets or dwelling on the past no more trying to control my life. This is me letting go and awaiting what the future holds with an open mind. It won't be easy to do this but it is my Goal to make it happen. I want to be the person I know the Lord see's in me. I want each day to be the first day of my future and always accomplish whats thrown at me. I know I can do it its only me that's stopping myself from becoming a better person. I won't let my insecurities or people get me down. I am starting a new year and a new me, but this time I am more determined than ever to make it happen. As this being my journal entry for me to always remember it has felt good to let it all out and start fresh and work towards a better future :)

I love myself! I love my trials! I love my Savior!
Bring on 2011!