I was sent a text message from my sister the other day about an invite she got on Facebook about wearing pants on sunday as an act of equality for women. I was saddened immediately that these women felt that they weren't equal to men. Since then I have been thinking about it a lot and here are my thoughts.
I read cjanes blog a lot and she posted her thoughts on it that i highly suggest reading. She also mentioned how she read feministmormonhousewives and mormonchildbride. I decided to read up on them both see what their opinions were on this feminist movement. It made my stomach churn quite a bit and at the same time there were points that I thought hey I get that! I know how that feels. I started talking to my mom about it and she directed me to this blog benseyleb. Her name is Lynsey and her words more then anyone words spoke to me. It was as if she was in my mind, my heart. I wish I was as eloquent as she was with words.
I have felt lonely, worthless, crappy. I have felt that no one wanted to be my friend that my Heavenly Father loved me less then others. That my pain was just a glance in his eyes and that I wasn't going to get my prayers answered or ever find happiness. I have spent days in Young Women's dreading going to classes and activities because I was so tired of crafting, cooking, learning to quilt and lead music. I was envious of the boys who went to wing night or to the lake. Why couldn't we do that? At the end of the day those times taught me talents that I may never have gotten. At home I was taught how to change the oil in the car, change the spark plugs and change a tire on a car. I wasn't left in the dust and I was taught to be self sufficient.
At one end of the spectrum I can understand some points of the feminism to a certain extent, but one thing that I do not understand is their need for the Priesthood. Maybe one day I will understand it maybe one day I won't. I feel personally these women are seeking someone to tell them they are worth it. They are divine creatures who were placed here and as women for a reason and for a purpose. While reading different articles I felt saddened that they felt that by having
-serving 2 year missions
-not being mothers
-working outside the home
would give them the peace and strength they would need. Like Lynsey said maybe I am way off on their points of view. Maybe im not grasping something they are. I do know though that when satan came knocking he was knocking my self worth. He was telling me I needed this to be equal and worth while. This was my experience. It did not matter how many times I was told you have this amazing talent, you are beautiful, I see such a strong individual it was never enough because I self sabotaged myself. I believed the lies that I placed in my head and that grew stronger when I let satan stir them more. I had to learn for myself that I had worth. It took time and effort to humble myself and seek Gods love when I had turned away from it many times. I in turn learned to love myself and saw myself in the mirror as a women with worth.
One thing that I have taken away from this wear pants action is that if there is ever a women needing my love and care you will receive it. My heart aches for those who have had the burden of feeling worthless or have felt shunned my men in the LDS church, have felt shunned and talked about by women of LDS church. I will never judge you. I will be the friend you need and out of all this controversy that is what I have taken.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The week after July 4th we went with my family to California for our annual Beach Camping trip. My mom, sister Sommer, Jeff and I went into L.A. to go ring shopping! After hours and hours of shopping I literally found the ring at our last stop. It seriously felt like a hopeless cause. I had a budget but I didn't want just any ring and by the end of the day all the rings looked the same. All the same simple bad and simple solitaire or all the antique look that everyone loves and has. When I finally found my ring I almost walked away from it cause it was slightly out of the budget we set for ourselves but my sweet fiance saw my tears and tiredness from the day and sweet talked me into a yes. He's too good to me :)
The rest of the trip consisted of beach days bonfire nights and lots of walks on the beach! I love our tradition of going beach camping every year. It is such a blast! Especially with the kiddos getting older and getting excited to go. We got lots of fosters freeze ice cream, lots of sun, shopping, beaching, reading and relaxing done! It was the most perfect trip!
Shortly after our engagement on May 18th was Jeff's 25th Birthday. In my family birthdays are a HUGE deal. We grew up with a sign being hung and decorations and our choice of dinner along with no chores for the day. So of course I did the same for Jeff! I had a sign hung up in my house and I decorated his car and took him shopping for new clothes. On Sunday he came over for family dinner where we celebrated with steak and potatoes his favorite and chocolate cake and gifts.
On May 5th, 2012 is the day Jeff proposed to me. That week he had told me his sister in law needed to scope out a new photography spot. At first I had no expectations of when he was going to propose. Our plan was to wait till we got a ring, so at first I didn't think anything of it. Towards the middle of the week though my suspicions arouse. They way he was being sneaky and "busy" that week and especially on Saturday I knew it was happening. We drove out to the Pecan Farm at South Mountain and as we were driving Jeff got "lost" I later found out it was because right before Jeff had picked me up his Mom had called and said she couldn't find the place to help my mom finish the set up so he had to take his time cause she was late. It was cute you could see the set up but he kept playing it up that it wasn't ours while his sister in law practiced spots on us for her next photo-shoot.
It was the most perfect proposal! He remembered everything I had ever told him I loved. I had told him I love the Pecan Farm and that I wanted the proposal to be us and relaxed no hyped up stuff. He had a picnic table set up with a cooler for dinner and flowers and a cd player. In the trees he had hung up Mason Jars with candles in them. He pinned me down to a T with everything he did. It was romantic and the sweetest thing ever! He had a card on the table and when I opened it there was a poem in it that he had written for me. After I had read it he told me what every women wants to hear, how much he loved me and how excited he was for our future and got down on one knee and proposed. After he had proposed again he knows me to a T he put on Brad Paisleys song and I thought I loved You Then and asked me to dance. I had been telling him forever that I want him to dance with me all the time. He just held and we told each other how much we loved each other. It was the most perfect moment!
Friday, October 26, 2012
I recently read a blog about dreaming big and going after your dreams. The post was extremely inspiring to me and just what I needed to hear. I have been stuck in a rut for a while with my job. It has become a pay check, a go through the motions type of job. Ive completely checked my self out emotionally with my job. For a while I have been thinking of what is it I can do that will change my circumstances. Should I go back into this profession or go to another trade school and put off my degree a little bit longer. Anything was looking good at this point. Anything is still looking better. That same day co worker and I got called in for a chat with the Vice President. I definitely left with a motivation that something has got to change and change now. I went home and sent out resumes and applications and sent requests to people to be an intern free of charge just to get the experience. By the end of the next day I had a call and a plan with a friend to be here assistant/second shooter at a wedding on Saturday. She told me profusely how I was an answer to her prayers and she was mine.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Words will never be able to express how I just knew he was the one. I have been engaged before and so dating was the scariest thing for me. I am not one to play games and thankfully neither was Jeffrey. Right from the start we were constantly texting or with each other. We both met each others families with in the week of knowing each other. Every experience I had would take too long to write but each were a stepping stone to building my trust and confidence in him. Obviously things were not perfect and I did not want them to be. I wanted a real relationship where we talked and worked through things and were 100% honest. I had my guard up a lot with Jeff but he was extremely patient with me and my crazy antics and waited till I trusted him. We had one experience that really built our relationship a lot when I saw a text conversation he and a friend were having about me. No need for details but the best life lesson for the both of us. A wake up call for myself that I either needed to let my guard down or move on and for him to not go talking to others about our personal issues. Shortly after that on Easter Sunday was the day that changed my life and my view. We had a disagreeance about where to spend Easter and because of past hurt from my prior engagement my wall went directly up. Jeffrey never once told me it was my fault or I needed to do something I didn't want to do. He allowed me to feel safe with him and we were both able to open up and talk through things. That night after his family had all left Jeff's younger sister played a song on her ipod for us (cue the cheese) it was Jason Mraz new song I Won't Give Up. Cheesy as it is the words of the song were ringing so true. I knew with out a doubt that I had found a man that would never give up on me. He would give me my space when I needed it. He would be my rock. He would be my support. He would be my Best Friend, but most importantly he would NEVER give up and that is exactly what I needed in my life. I needed someone who would put up with me and never give up on the love we found and I knew he was it. It filled me up and I could not explain it properly but My heart knew. That was important to me. I knew on paper he was a good man and would be great for me but my heart finally knew. That night in his car as he was dropping me off I leaned in to kiss him and as we pulled away I said to him Jeff I have something to tell you and right then I said I LOVE YOU. Of course he said it back and continued it with you have no idea how long I have been wanting to say that. It was a perfect moment for us. Perfect cloud nine.
Jeffrey Scott as I call him or Handsome depending on the moment. We met at a get together very briefly and I thought he was cute. Shortly after my friend who was dating his friend asked if I wanted to be set up with him and of course I said yes. The date was set for December 23rd 2011. I went to my friends house and the boys were picking us up there. The guys planned to take us out to the desert for a bon fire with s'mores and roasted starbursts. On our way out there we had Kesha blasting and I decided to just put it out there that I was a crazy car dancer. To my surprise Jeff jumped right in and started dancing with me. I was impressed that he had the courage to do that. We spent a couple hours out there talking and getting to know each other. After the bon fire we headed back and watched a movie at my friends house. This is when the story gets funny. My friend and her guy were on the couch cuddling while Jeff and I were on our separate Love Sacs. During the movie Jeff went to the bathroom and I hoped in his Love Sac. When he came in he was shocked that I would take it and sat down in the vacant Love Sac. I went to the bathroom shortly after and when I returned he had taken his Love Sac back. He did not understand what I was trying to do haha. I went to get a drink and while I was gone our friends hinted at him that I was not trying to "steal" his spot. He slowly got the hint. With their help we somehow got into the same love sac and finished watching the movie in that awkward heres my hand are you going to hold it haha. After the movie we ended up having a tickle fight. Mainly me tickling him cause I am not ticklish. It served its purpose cause we ended up cuddling and talking. It was late so we all got up to leave and Jeff walked me to my car. From the experience we had that night I bluntly said so are you going to get my number after he had said we should do this again. It was great first date and ended as you can see in marriage :)
Our first picture together
Our true personalities. We are never serious.
Our first vacation together to California.
I got him to use pore strips :)
To say I love this boy is an understatement. He has changed my world upside down and always for the better. Love him!
Not many pictures. Im not sure what happened to them. Thanksgiving 2011 was our families off year with the siblings. They were all with their in-laws so my mom, dad and I spent it with my sister Alyssa and her soon to be in-laws since they're british it was small but fun!
My birthday is November 7th and it was great! Birthdays have always been my favorite holiday. Growing up we never had do chores on our special day also my mom made sure she put up signs all over the house, bringing up balloons at school and for dinner we got to pick a special place to go out to. Now you know why they're my favorite ever! This past birthday I invited my family and some friends over for burgers, hot chocolate and to sit around the fire pit and relax. I had been wanting to get a gun for a while now so before my birthday my dad and I went looking and decided to split the price. I was ecstatic!
Only the cutest face ever!